Let's Work Together for a Rat-free DC

Ok, let's. Good idea. Let's round up all the rats and put them on a one-way flight to Boca. HA! This was the catchy phrase I saw on a passing bus today: Let's Work Together for a Rat-free DC. Then underneath there was some subtext about putting your trash in a bin. For some reason, this amused me greatly. I am all for obliterating the rat population. I am just not convinced that putting trash in a can will do the trick. Haven't the geniuses that came up with this catchphrase ever seen rats scaling the SIDES of dumpsters? Those little friggers can climb. And fast.

Anyway, enough with the rat talk. When I saw the bus, I was sitting in Starbucks in Dupont Circle reading a self-help book and having an emotional email conversation with a friend. I had just come from therapy so of course, I was crying**. Because it was Starbucks in Dupont Circle, I didn't feel at all self-conscious about the tears. At least 10 gay men shed silent tears in solidarity with the weird weepy girl. Or they were judging my shoes, whichever.

After Starbucks, I went to CVS for a few items and spent close to an hour wandering around looking at stuff. I love CVS. I love to look at all the make-up and the shampoo and the wrapping paper. CVS is my own personal happy place***. And I love love LOVE their Extra Bucks program. Few things thrill me more**** than getting a bag of stuff for FREE from CVS because I have accumulated so many Extra Bucks.

So after Starbucks and the crying and the rat bus and the happy place, I made my way to the metro to scoot on home. Because I puttered around all day, I hit the metro at rush hour time. Lovely. The last time I was on the metro at rush hour, approximately one week ago, I nearly had a claustrophobic panic attack. To make matters worse today, holiday travel has already commenced for some lucky folks. There were many people on the train headed towards the airport toting all manner of suitcase. In honor of the annoying, crowded metro today, I shall compile my list of Top 10 Annoying Human Behaviors on Metro, or, Take Me to the Nearest Car Dealer Please.

10. Making a big show of taking out your laptop computer like you are So Important You Must Be Working Every Spare Second. Then looking huffy and annoyed when people are breaking your concentration. Then making a big show of putting your computer away when you get to your stop, 3 stops from where you started.

9. Wearing head phones and yet singing along at the top of your lungs. Even if you are a remotely good singer, which usually you are not, this is annoying.

8. Stopping to take pictures of the escalators at Rosslyn and Woodley Park. Yes, they are really big. A wonder of modern ingenuity. But no one in Omaha will care to see this photo when you get home.

7. Trying to race your friends halfway up the aforementioned long escalators, getting tired, and sitting on the step to ride the rest of the way. Don't be surprised when the escalator eats your pant leg. Then your foot. Then your whole body.

6. Putting your bags on the seat next to you. RUDE. A metro farecard buys you one seat. If your bags need a seat, that will be another $1.35 please.

5. Tall people holding the low pole while the short people have to stretch and strain for the high bar up top. This forces me to stand on my toes, rendering me unsteady on my feet. So don't get pissy when I fall into you.

4. Newspaper snobs. Yes, you are reading Financial Times. Yes, I am devouring People magazine like it contains the meaning of life. Keep your judgey looks to yourself.

3. Refusing to step to the side to allow people off a crowded train. Sometimes this might require you to step OFF the train and then back ON again to facilitate a throng trying to exit the train. You will have plenty of time to get back on, I promise.

2. Fare jumpers. I see this more often than you would think and it infuriates me every time. I would say something to these people except they are ALWAYS considerably taller/bigger than me. You have to be in order to scale the gate so effortlessly.

And the #1 behavior that annoys the hell out of me is:

1. Leaning your entire back and buttocks up against the pole, forcing me to make a "c" with my fingers to try to hang on to half the pole. How big of an ego do you have to have to think you are entitled to the WHOLE POLE*****???


I am not feeling very blogadocious today, so this entry kinda sucks. Perhaps tomorrow will be better :)



**Try to contain your shock.
***Is this weird?
****Ok, I know this is weird.
*****That's what she said. If you are fan of The Office, you are totally cracking up right now like I am.

402 Is Almost As Cool As 007

Happy Election Day fellow Americans! I wasn't really planning on writing anything about Election Day. I mean, what is there left to say after months and months of primaries and ads and SNL skits? But I ran into my friend and blog reader Joe and I promised him I would BLOG about my voting experience.

Joe was serving his country as a polling volunteer. If I had my act together, I probably could have done the same. But that would have severely cut into my couch time. Anyway I was so happy to see Joe! But then I PANICKED because I didn't know if I was allowed to speak to him**. But then I was HAPPY when he saw me and said hi! But then I was PROUD when I got assigned my voter number 402! But then I was STUPID when I didn't know where to go and had to ask! But then I was EXCITED when I got to vote! As you can see, I cycle through emotions pretty quickly***. Oh and Joe, I apologize for not saying good-bye when I left - you were assisting someone and I didn't want to yell out at you in case that was against the rules.

So this Election Day was a little tough on me. I still haven't let go of the dream of the first woman president. But then I got home from voting, made myself some lunch, and sat down to watch some CNN. I happened to turn it on in the middle of an interview with an African-American grandmother who was talking about the days of segregated water fountains and marching with Martin Luther King. I got a little misty-eyed and realized that whatever happens at the end of this day, it will be a historic outcome. It feels a little like being at the top of a big hill on a roller coaster -- scary, thrilling, and a little pukey :)

It goes without saying, of course, that I voted Democratic. I can't say that I am an Obamamaniac, though. I have been a Democrat since before Democrats were cool**** and to that end I align with Obama's positions. But many of the reasons people like him are the exact reasons that he turns me off a bit. For example, my mom described Obama as "unflappable." Others have said he is measured, calculating, intense. Frankly, I like my presidents to have some humanity. I thought John McCain was HILARIOUS on Saturday Night Live, because for once he didn't take himself seriously. Maybe I am naive (in fact I am pretty sure I am), but I like my Commander in Chief to be a little bit like me - you know, human. With killer fashion sense.

Oh, and those are indeed hearts I drew around Joe Biden in the picture above. He is C- to the UTE!

**Always the consummate rule follower.
***One of many reasons Steve is on deck for Sainthood.
****Ok. I guess technically that would be pre-FDR days. I am not that old.